Friday

Saturday is almost as good as Friday, but not quite. Friday is better because you get to anticipate Saturday, and you don’t have to mow the lawn or pick up dog poop. On Friday you can even stay out late and not worry about it.  Saturday night just isn’t as free-wheeling as Friday night because you know you have to answer to God on Sunday morning.

Sunday just can’t compete on an anticipation scale with Friday because nobody anticipates Monday with joy unless they’re retired and have renamed all the days Saturday (quite annoying), or they’re on vacation and leaving Monday for somewhere far from the office and the lawn mower like Honolulu or Tibet. On Sunday there’s church to attend so there’s a timeline to live within which makes it more like a work day, but it’s a soft deadline and after revisiting my sins of the week, Sunday is almost as free as Saturday but there’s a subtle sadness that Monday is lurking.

Monday, ugh…feeling ill.

Tuesday is almost invisible, sort of like a 49 year old movie starlet who thinks a surgical makeover will make her look young and appealing.  Tuesday tries hard to get recognized by having elections on it so it gets star-spangled bunting, but the effect is like the collagen lip implants of the starlet that make her lips look less like lips and more like the rubber rafts that people use to float down the Grand Canyon. It takes a lot of lipstick and rouge to dress up Tuesday but there’s no changing the fact that it’s a long way from Friday. Only politicians and people named Morrie like Tuesdays.

Wednesday is known as hump day, a word tossed about crudely by ruffians in places like Santa Monica to allude to procreation. Hump also describes physical protrusions like the one on the back of the Hunchback of Notre Dame, and to lumps of asphalt in parking lots that threaten to tear out the undercarriage of your car. There’s nothing fun about a hump.

Thursday is almost as invisible as Tuesdays. The day does have the advantage of anticipating Friday which recommends it as perhaps the 4^th best day of the week. Aside from being “Friday Eve”, the only other thing that makes Thursday worth keeping on the calendar is Thanksgiving but that’s really trying to make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear. Perhaps it would be best if we moved Thanksgiving to Friday or Saturday, who are we kidding?