Category Archives: grant writing consultant

The Golden Age of Grant Writing

I started writing grants back in the mid 90’s and it was a time I fondly think of as the “Golden Age” of grant writing. The government was using grants to experiment with new programs and do social and educational research. There was a lot of money out there. And there were a lot of clients.

A headline came to me via email this morning about proposed budget cuts to educational programs (STEM Ed. Among Cuts Sought in Draft House Budget Plan).  The article made me nostalgic for the Golden Age. I see bad news in that headline on several levels but on a business level, it’s another cut to the business I love, grant writing.

During the Golden Age, money was flowing and the streets were paved with gold. I grabbed the proverbial brass ring and launched into a full time grant writing job at a private company leaving the cushy, secure and boring existence of public employment.

I was suddenly working 60 hours a day. I was crushed with work. I was drinking from a fire hose. This went on for about a decade. I had no trouble getting contracts. I never marketed my services beyond handing out a business card (which I often forgot to carry).

Today, I spend part of my time writing copy for marketing. I’m pretty sure I stink at it. Oh, I have good ideas (I think) and I make cool graphics (I think), but the truth is that I am not an advertising Madman. Nonetheless, marketing is now an ongoing conversation here in the office. But I would much rather write grants full time. I know there’s supposed to be an ROI to Marketing, however, it never feels like it’s worth it. What happened to the fire hose?

The Golden Age of grant writing ended for social and educational programs for several reasons:

• After two decades of research (80’s and 90’s), the government “owns” the answers to all the important questions, it now knows “what works”. Grants encouraging innovation are no longer necessary. The focus of grants now is to implement everything they “discovered” during the Golden Age. Applicants these days are expected to implement “research-based” programs and “proven models” regardless of the lack of wisdom in forcing square pegs into round holes;

• The economy collapsed. Money shrank back from “the street” on all levels. The faucets got turned off in the private sector, the nonprofit sector, and the government sector. Everyone suffered and is still, grants are no different. The Golden Age ended in 2008;

• The market became flooded with “grant writers”. When I started, it was hard to find a grant writer so there was a gap in the market. I filled it. Today there’s a grant writer under every rock and some of them slithered in there and are none too ethical. You’ll read about these in the newspapers from time-to-time. It is also harder today to ferret out who is a good grant writer and who should be writing marketing copy. That’s because everyone’s success rate post-Golden Age has taken a hit. Fewer grants and more applicants means fewer applications are successful, it’s not calculus. Even a stellar writer can find his/her success rates falling. Success today is more dependent than ever before on having clients with the right need and the right demographic, geographic, and organizational profile.

I am still young (ish) and hoping to be around for the next Golden Age. It’s coming because the people are not too certain that the government really has the answers. That realization, I hope, encourages a new round of research to spur innovation and new ideas. Even if the “old” ideas worked back in the 80’s and 90’s, conditions continue to change, demographics shift, knowledge evolves, proclivities of the younger generation are not what they were in the 80’s. Learning styles, resources, technology and social needs evolve over time.
I hope that the melt-down of “No Child Left Behind” and the ever-diversifying demographics of the country are evidence that the next generation of researchers, teachers, social workers, and the like need grant funding to seek new answers. Bring on that next Golden Age, I need some relief from marketing.
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Photo Credit – Macin Smolinski
Published by Creative Resources & Research http://grantgoddess.com

If They Made a Movie about Grant Writing Consultants……

It would be a thriller.  Yes, I’m sure of that. It would be an action-packed, intrigue-driven thriller that would keep you on the edge of your seat. I’m talking about the kind of thriller that is somewhere between Speed (with Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves) and Matt Damon’s The Bourne Identity, but it would have the heart of a drama – think about the perseverence of The Shawshank Redemption.  And it would also have some of the recklessness of Thelma and Louise.

I would be played, of course, by Kathy Bates, who would certainly win an Academy Award for her sensitive portrayal of such a complex character. Other grant writing consultants in the movie would be played by Brad Pitt and Shirley McClain, with supporting roles filled by Ben Affleck, and other fine actors. Richard Gere would be in it just because.

Here’s the basic plot:

Our heroine, Kathy Bates, would get a phone call charging her to write a very competitive grant in a very short period of time. She would argue briefly that it couldn’t be done, but she’d be told that it must be done and it must be successful because the fate of free world is in her capable hands. She would call her colleagues Brad Pitt (who’s having a beer at Rubicon) and Shirley MacLaine (who is somewhere in the moutains firewalking and getting in touch with her Chi) who would rush back into town to help.

Brad Pitt would work with the client to get the data needed for the grant, but it wouldn’t arrive.  Kathy Bates would yell, “But tell them we must have it!” and Brad would valiantly declare, “Don’t worry, I’ll get it,” as he hopped on his trusty steed (old Honda) and headed out to pick up the data personally. Richard Gere would just massage Kathy’s back while she wrote, whispering, “You can do it.  I know you can,” into her ear while she writes.

Tight shot on the clock spinning wildly as the time passes, and the calendar as the days fly by….

Shirley MacClaine tirelessly does research while support staff member Tina Fey works on the budget. Ben Affleck answers the phone with expert skill, keeping would-be interrupters away with a polite, but firm, “No, you can’t speak with her.  She’s saving the world!”

As the deadline draws nearer, the pressure mounts.  Shirley floats in and out picking up pieces here and there and offering her expertise.  Brad  remains calm on outside while expertly assembling appendices. Kathy’s fingers sieze up from the pain, but Richard massages the pain away.

As the first draft is complete, in walks Helen Mirren, competently and calmly proclaiming, “I’ll take over from here,” as she sits with the narrative and begins proofreading and editing, her pen flying across the page as Richard offers Kathy cool grapes, Tina wraps up the budget, Shirley finalizes the abstract, and Brad  talks to the client on the phone, assuring him that all is well.

Suddenly, Tina shouts, “Nooooo!!!!! The web portal is down!” Kathy rushes into her office, knocking Richard down on the way (sorry, Richard). “But it can’t be down!  The grant is due in 2 hours!” Tina just rocks back and forth, “It’s down, it’s down, it’s down, oh my god it’s down…..”

Helen retains her predator-like focus on the editing task.

Tina says, “Wait!  I think I can hack into the portal through the government’s evaluation site…”

“Do it!” shouts Kathy, “Do it NOW!”

Ben shouts at someone on the phone, “New phone service?  Are you crazy?  This is no time for solicitation!  She doesn’t want to talk you.  She’ll never want to talk to you!”  As he slams the phone down, Tina explains, “I’m in!”

“Great,” sighs Kathy, “Let’s get this baby uploaded and put to bed.”

“Ready!” says Helen, as she hands over a perfectly edited draft to Kathy.

Shirley calmly floats in, “I knew everything would be ok.”

“Don’t be so sure,” cautions Kathy. “We’re not out of the woods yet.”

Tina, Brad, and Helen work together to get all the documents uploaded, while Shirley and Kathy sip some tea.

Tina announces, “Done! The grant has been submitted…on time!”

Helen adds, “And it’s a good one!”

Kathy comments, with a matter of fact tone, “Of course it is.”  Then she looks around for Richard….

Ben answers the phone and tells Kathy, “It’s Mr. Non-Profit. He says he has a challenging project for you…..and it’s due next week.”

Kathy sips her tea, raises and eyebrow, and says, “Oh?  Sounds intriguing.  Brad, Shirley, we have another assignment!”

——————————

If They Made a Movie about Grant Writing Consultants……

It would be a thriller.  Yes, I’m sure of that. It would be an action-packed, intrigue-driven thriller that would keep you on the edge of your seat. I’m talking about the kind of thriller that is somewhere between Speed (with Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves) and Matt Damon’s The Bourne Identity, but it would have the heart of a drama – think about the perseverence of The Shawshank Redemption.  And it would also have some of the recklessness of Thelma and Louise.

I would be played, of course, by Kathy Bates, who would certainly win an Academy Award for her sensitive portrayal of such a complex character. Other grant writing consultants in the movie would be played by Brad Pitt and Shirley McClain, with supporting roles filled by Ben Affleck, and other fine actors. Richard Gere would be in it just because.

Here’s the basic plot:

Our heroine, Kathy Bates, would get a phone call charging her to write a very competitive grant in a very short period of time. She would argue briefly that it couldn’t be done, but she’d be told that it must be done and it must be successful because the fate of free world is in her capable hands. She would call her colleagues Brad Pitt (who’s having a beer at Rubicon) and Shirley MacLaine (who is somewhere in the moutains firewalking and getting in touch with her Chi) who would rush back into town to help.

Brad Pitt would work with the client to get the data needed for the grant, but it wouldn’t arrive.  Kathy Bates would yell, “But tell them we must have it!” and Brad would valiantly declare, “Don’t worry, I’ll get it,” as he hopped on his trusty steed (old Honda) and headed out to pick up the data personally. Richard Gere would just massage Kathy’s back while she wrote, whispering, “You can do it.  I know you can,” into her ear while she writes.

Tight shot on the clock spinning wildly as the time passes, and the calendar as the days fly by….

Shirley MacClaine tirelessly does research while support staff member Tina Fey works on the budget. Ben Affleck answers the phone with expert skill, keeping would-be interrupters away with a polite, but firm, “No, you can’t speak with her.  She’s saving the world!”

As the deadline draws nearer, the pressure mounts.  Shirley floats in and out picking up pieces here and there and offering her expertise.  Brad  remains calm on outside while expertly assembling appendices. Kathy’s fingers sieze up from the pain, but Richard massages the pain away.

As the first draft is complete, in walks Helen Mirren, competently and calmly proclaiming, “I’ll take over from here,” as she sits with the narrative and begins proofreading and editing, her pen flying across the page as Richard offers Kathy cool grapes, Tina wraps up the budget, Shirley finalizes the abstract, and Brad  talks to the client on the phone, assuring him that all is well.

Suddenly, Tina shouts, “Nooooo!!!!! The web portal is down!” Kathy rushes into her office, knocking Richard down on the way (sorry, Richard). “But it can’t be down!  The grant is due in 2 hours!” Tina just rocks back and forth, “It’s down, it’s down, it’s down, oh my god it’s down…..”

Helen retains her predator-like focus on the editing task.

Tina says, “Wait!  I think I can hack into the portal through the government’s evaluation site…”

“Do it!” shouts Kathy, “Do it NOW!”

Ben shouts at someone on the phone, “New phone service?  Are you crazy?  This is no time for solicitation!  She doesn’t want to talk you.  She’ll never want to talk to you!”  As he slams the phone down, Tina explains, “I’m in!”

“Great,” sighs Kathy, “Let’s get this baby uploaded and put to bed.”

“Ready!” says Helen, as she hands over a perfectly edited draft to Kathy.

Shirley calmly floats in, “I knew everything would be ok.”

“Don’t be so sure,” cautions Kathy. “We’re not out of the woods yet.”

Tina, Brad, and Helen work together to get all the documents uploaded, while Shirley and Kathy sip some tea.

Tina announces, “Done! The grant has been submitted…on time!”

Helen adds, “And it’s a good one!”

Kathy comments, with a matter of fact tone, “Of course it is.”  Then she looks around for Richard….

Ben answers the phone and tells Kathy, “It’s Mr. Non-Profit. He says he has a challenging project for you…..and it’s due next week.”

Kathy sips her tea, raises and eyebrow, and says, “Oh?  Sounds intriguing.  Brad, Shirley, we have another assignment!”

——————————

Published by Creative Resources & Research http://grantgoddess.com

Grant Consultant Chic: Top 10 Accessories for the Grant Writing Consultant

MaryEllen Bergh is our resident fashion guru, and she has come up with a list of chic (and helpful!) accessories for the savvy grant writing consultant:

  1.   Large bag to hold your accessories and other things that you absolutely must have with you no matter where you go. The bag should be flexible and strong enough to hold at least three 85-page Request for Applications (RFA) and in a bright color so you can always find it and others can see you coming. I prefer red. It is  neutral and goes with everything.
  2. Oversized sunglasses with a bit of bling (think Lady GaGa) when you just need a different perspective or want others to think you are sophisticated and have a certain “je ne sais quoi.”
  3. A magnifying glass to maintain your focus on the criteria (or in my case, just to read it).
  4. A colorful hat preferably with a floppy brim. The hat not only makes you look stylish when having a bad hair day but, in case you don’t have your sunglasses, can, with a tip of the head, cover up the eye roll (“You never asked me for that data.”).
  5. Earplugs to save you from saying, once again, “You want to do WHAT??”
  6. A chime to center yourself when you become unbalanced. I find chimes in the key of E work particularly well.
  7. A leather belt to cinch in the narrative when you are 6 pages over the limit. It’s also useful to flog the nearest object if you become unbalanced and don’t have a chime. 
  8.  Trendy leather boots with a bit of a heel (black is good) to protect your feet as you wade through all the sh**, uh, information.
  9. A wand with a crystal of some sort (the kind of crystal does not matter but it does make the wand work better…unless you are at Hogwarts in which case a simple wooden one works best) to wave when you need the deadline pushed back or to erase the dark circles under your eyes.
  10. Last, but not least, a long scarf to tie up loose ends. The scarf lends a bit of flair to your presentation and covers up flaws such as neck wrinkles as well.

————————————-
Check out all of the resources at GrantGoddess.com!


Grant Consultant Chic: Top 10 Accessories for the Grant Writing Consultant

MaryEllen Bergh is our resident fashion guru, and she has come up with a list of chic (and helpful!) accessories for the savvy grant writing consultant:

  1.   Large bag to hold your accessories and other things that you absolutely must have with you no matter where you go. The bag should be flexible and strong enough to hold at least three 85-page Request for Applications (RFA) and in a bright color so you can always find it and others can see you coming. I prefer red. It is  neutral and goes with everything.
  2. Oversized sunglasses with a bit of bling (think Lady GaGa) when you just need a different perspective or want others to think you are sophisticated and have a certain “je ne sais quoi.”
  3. A magnifying glass to maintain your focus on the criteria (or in my case, just to read it).
  4. A colorful hat preferably with a floppy brim. The hat not only makes you look stylish when having a bad hair day but, in case you don’t have your sunglasses, can, with a tip of the head, cover up the eye roll (“You never asked me for that data.”).
  5. Earplugs to save you from saying, once again, “You want to do WHAT??”
  6. A chime to center yourself when you become unbalanced. I find chimes in the key of E work particularly well.
  7. A leather belt to cinch in the narrative when you are 6 pages over the limit. It’s also useful to flog the nearest object if you become unbalanced and don’t have a chime. 
  8.  Trendy leather boots with a bit of a heel (black is good) to protect your feet as you wade through all the sh**, uh, information.
  9. A wand with a crystal of some sort (the kind of crystal does not matter but it does make the wand work better…unless you are at Hogwarts in which case a simple wooden one works best) to wave when you need the deadline pushed back or to erase the dark circles under your eyes.
  10. Last, but not least, a long scarf to tie up loose ends. The scarf lends a bit of flair to your presentation and covers up flaws such as neck wrinkles as well.

————————————-
Check out all of the resources at GrantGoddess.com!

Published by Creative Resources & Research http://grantgoddess.com